As the final days and hours leading up to my swim come to a close, I am consumed with nervousness and anxiety. Though I am sure I have trained hard and committed to this endeavor as wholly as possible, I am very much aware that Mother Nature will, in the end, always be the final decision maker.
Limited with a very brief two day period within which to complete this swim (July 3rd or 4th), I figure the odds are low. Part of my preparation for this swim had been learning about the experiences of those phenomenal swimmers who were fortunate enough to complete the swim. And their horror stories became etched in my mind because Tsugaru Strait is a notoriously windy stretch of water with strong and unpredictable currents. To even have a chance at attempting this swim, I knew I needed – at the very least – for the weather to cooperate.
As the madness of anxiety crawls through my mind, I struggle to remain in the present. Paying careful attention to conserving my energy just in case I am granted the opportunity to swim, I am trapped. Confined by these emotions I am unable to seek relief in a long run or swim. I want to scream with anticipation and delight; I feel like I may burst.
The uncertainty of this sport is tremendously exciting. No closed course, no confined standardized arena, and no safety barriers, the ocean is wild and supremely alluring in all her glory. And although these feelings and emotions are incredibly uncomfortable (and at times painful), I am so happy. I love nothing more than surrendering myself to the mercy of the sea. For me, there is immense beauty in not knowing.